Protected
by Dylan S. Thompson
Summary: Enter into the twisted mind of Peter Pettigrew. It's sort of sympathetic of Peter, but it also kind of portrays him as a heartless psyco.


Protected

By Dylan S. Thompson

Your words keep racing through my mind. You screaming that you would die for me. Those words shocked me when I heard them. They shocked me because I had never heard you tell such an outright lie. You would die for me? That's a laugh!  
  
I don't know, maybe you actually believe it. Maybe those thirteen years in Azkaban mind-fucked you so much that you can't really remember what our friendship was actually like. Well, maybe you don't remember, but I do. I remember exactly.  
  
James was the worst. He was the richest among us, so he thought he was the best. And you and Remus never argued with him on that point. I wanted to. Oh, how I wanted to scream out that he was a spoiled rich brat and was pathetic. But, even if I had, you would've looked at me with amusement and ignored me. Like usual.  
  
Sometimes, I wonder what it would've been like for me if Remus hadn't felt pity for me. If he hadn't defended me when Malfoy and his goons had tried to beat me up.  
  
Remus was the best. He was as smart and gifted as you two, but he was dirt poor. He was the exception. Somehow he had managed to earn your respect, and you let him into your little group. You ignored me. I was the dunce, the idiot, the weakling who barely managed to pass.  
  
Then, Remus, being the kind-hearted soul he was, took me under his wing. He became my best friend, my mentor, my protector. And he convinced the two of you to let me into your little group too. But I was still the hindrance, the third wheel, the weakling, the embarrassment. You always looked at me as if I was an inferior.  
  
You would've died for me! That's the biggest lie I've heard in years! And I lived around Gred and Forge Weasley, mind you. I wanted to kill you when you said that. Making you seem all sympathetic and caring. It's all bullshit.  
  
The truth is that I was nothing to you. You would've sacrificed me in an instant, without giving it a second thought, to save yourself or James or Remus. The only one of us you would've died for back then was James. You probably would've thrown Remus to the dogs if it meant saving yourself or James.  
  
You treat me like shit for over seven years, and you wonder how I could give James up? I'm sure you have delusions of me running to the Dark Lord the second you made me secret-keeper. That I was evil from the beginning. But you've got it wrong.  
  
The Dark Lord is smarter that you might think. He knew that James would not choose the obvious choice, you, for secret keeper. So he thought of the least obvious choice, me. He threatened to kill my mother. My sister. My brothers. All my family.  
  
You think I care more about James than my own family? What the hell are you smoking? Why the hell should I have given up my entire family for a half-friend who always looked down on me? On a guy who would have given me up in a second for his friends, let alone his family? So I said, "Fuck it" and told the Dark Lord where to find him. I didn't lose any sleep over it.  
  
Then, the next day, you hunt me down. You're ready to kill me. And I finally get my revenge. After more than seven years of put downs and disgusted looks, I outsmarted you! How is that for irony? Outsmarted and put in Azkaban by the person you thought as 'inferior' and 'weak'. I certainly had a couple of chuckles over it.  
  
So, I wander around for a few days as a rat. I know I can't show my face as a man, because I supposed to be dead, so I decide to find a nice family to adopt me. That's when the Weasleys find me and adopt me and care for me. And I was perfectly happy with the idea of spending the rest of my days in that family, passed from one kid to another until I died. But then YOU had to ruin it all.  
  
You had to have your dramatic little jailbreak. You had to have your 'revenge' on the one who ruined your life and 'killed' your best friend. You couldn't leave me to just lead a nice, peaceful, quiet life. No, you had to fuck it all up!  
  
So, you reveal me to everybody. To Ron, who once loved me, who now hates me. To Harry, who actually turned out nice without his parents around. And to Remus. My friend, my protector, my mentor. The only one I would've died for. Who now hates me as much as the others. With one little spell, you ruined my life forever.  
  
So I was forced to beg for my life. I thought maybe Ron, who had loved me even though he couldn't admit it, would protect me, but now he hated me. Then to the girl. I don't even know why I went to her. Maybe I thought she would listen to my side of the story and not believe you blindly. But I was wrong. Then Finally to Harry, who looks so much like James, yet acts completely different. I knew he worshipped his father, who he had never actually met. So I told him that James wouldn't have wanted me dead. That he would've understood. And Harry believed me as blindly as he did you.  
  
So, you get me all shackled up and tell me not to transform or I would be killed. I nod and agree. I'm submissive now. Sure Sirius, I'll be a good boy. I'll just stand here and wait to get my soul sucked out of my body. Won't that be fun? Then, Remus transforms. This is my chance. I have only a minute to get out before you subdue him. But it is enough time.  
  
Now what do I do? I can't become a human again. Yeah, I'm Peter Pettigrew. Yeah, that's me; the one you though Sirius Black killed all those years ago. No, I'm not dead. I've just been hiding as a rat for thirteen years. I'm sure you understand.

Yeah, that would go over well. But I also can't just wait around for you to come try to kill me again.  
  
So I think, "Fuck it." You all seem to believe that I'm an agent for the Dark Lord. Why not become one? I'll be protected there. And I'll be the one that brought him back to power, so he'll be in debt. Of course, I was also indirectly responsible for his fall. Maybe I'll be paying a debt. Whatever. At least I'll be protected.  
  
-  
  
Don't blame me for this. My muse made me do it. It has been kicking around in the back of my mind for awhile now. Tell me what you think of it. And remember: Flames will be used to burn down people's houses. And you don't want that on your hands do you?


End file.
